I’m an idea man. I deal in simple ideas.
It’s not that I think the fist-bump has grown tired, it’s just that it’s not as easily identifiable nor as exciting as say, a high five. The fist-bump is a salutation. The hand shake, a salutation.
But let’s say you get someone with a weak grip fist-bump posture and suddenly you’re not sure they’re wanting to bump fists or extending their mitt for a handshake. You step forward to shake their hand only to discover they were in fact preparing for a fist bump and you end up wrapping your digits around their balled up hand. You clawed them. You try to play it off, “oh man, I’m so sorry, I thought we were doing the claw.” Are you the claw? Am I the claw? It’s confusing. You even go so far as to use your claw voice, “I’m the claw eating your hand!” to sell it, but you look and sound like an idiot.
Why? Because the claw’s not a thing. The claw never took off and never became a thing. The claw requires a game of paper, rock, scissor’s to determine the claw position, which is actually the paper to the fists rock. You want to be the claw. Oh yeah, you want to be the claw. If the claw were a thing. But, it’s not. Not at all.
The High Five on the (other) hand is Fort Awesome for big kids. It’s unmistakable. You cannot read a high five wrong. When you go up top, the opposing person knows it’s time for a high five and their endorphins get all #Goobed.
How to engage a perfect stranger to high five?
Call it by name. You’re allowed to high five with or without cause.
On an elevator,
You: You know what day it is?
Person that has no idea they’re about to get a high five for riding on an elevator: Um, Friday.
You: That’s right, it’s Friday. High Five Friday!
At the gas pumps,
You: You fill up with 93 octane?
Person that has no idea they’re about to get a high five for filling up with 93 octane: Yes.
Hashtag HighFiveFridays #blessed
This next part is Human Science, but pretend you understand and play along.
Do you know what’ll turn a frown upside down?
High. Five. Friday. Then do it! It’s cheers to the freakin’ weekend! #GottaLoveRihanna
Do’s and Don’ts:
You’ll be initiating the high five, so it’s important to recognize the recipient’s potential skills based on your biased opinion.
Will they execute as beginner, intermediate or expert?
It’s a high five, not a high three, or two, or a high miss. It’s High Five Friday.
If you see an octogenarian that’s long overdue for a high five and you want to hook them up, proceed with caution and go with the standard high five. Just hold it up and walk it over. Keep it simple.
The #GooseAndMaverick Qualifying Standard
This is professional high-fiving and should be reserved for the truly deserving. It’s super easy to get too amped up to execute properly so only do this when you feel it is absolutely right and nothing less will do.
This is a power move. You’ll want to hear a good POP at the top and you’ll need to read your partners speed on the 180° follow through for the bottom five. If you’re off by a split second you won’t succeed. Take your time on the set up. The worst thing in the whole world (aside from leaves in your pool) is a high-five do-over. Get it right the first time or you’ll look like those other morons playing paper, rock, scissor’s to decide who gets to be the claw.
Can I High Five someone on Monday?
I guess you could. If you want to do it wrong. But it won’t be nearly as much fun to say or play.
Critical mass, folks. Say it with me, “High Five Fridays.” Told you. One day of the week is plenty good. We do it more than that and we run the risk of pandemonium. Not good.
I’m an idea man. You need to trust this idea.
Finally, Step-By-Step (NKOTB sing-a-long):
Step 1) You can have lots of fun!
Step 2) There’s so much you can do!
Step 3) It’s just you and me.
Step 4) You can give them more.
Step 5) The time has arrived!
Have fun! High Five Friday is on Friday.