It was a tough morning for a dozen men.
Rhapsody asked me to Q:
YHC: Yes, sir.
Rhap: I’ve decided I want you to Q Prometheus.
YHC: What do you want me to do, sir?
Rhap: I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the West. Take this down: ‘I want rustlers, cut-throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nit-wits, half-wits, dim-wits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bush-whackers, horn-swagglers, horse-thieves, bull-dykes, train-robbers, bank-robbers, ass-kickers, and Methodists! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
YHC: Could you repeat that, sir?
Extra Credit was a little awkward, with Foreclosure getting in my face for no reason at all:
FC: Really funny. Really funny.
YHC: Whattya mean I’m funny?
FC: You’re just funny. It’s funny. You’re a funny guy.
YHC: Whattya mean? The way I Q? What?
FC: It’s just, y’ know, it’s just funny, you know the way you Q and everything …
YHC: Funny how? I mean, what’s funny about it?
Rhap: Ice, no, you got it all wrong …
YHC: Whoa, whoa Rhapsody! He’s a big boy, he knows what he said. What’d you say? Funny how? What?
FC: Just you know you’re funny.
YHC: You mean, let me understand this I’m funny how, I mean funny, like I’m a clown? I amuse you. I make you laugh? I’m here to amuse you? Whattya you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?
FC: I don’t know just … you know how you Q. What?
YHC: No, no I don’t know. You said it. How do I know? You said I’m funny. How am I funny? What is so funny about me? Tell me. Tell me what’s funny?
The Main Event wasn’t much better. Everyone had a mouth on them today:
Caesar: I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum.
Alibi: There’s a lotta things about me you don’t know anything about, Ice. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. Things you shouldn’t understand.
Lynchpin: It’s where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus, it’s not a man-purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.
Drone: Well, I’ll tell ya something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our smiles. You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of the wrong hole! Ha, ha, ha, ha! I gotta be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose!
Pitino: You hear me talkin’, hillbilly boy? I ain’t through with you by a damn sight. I’m gonna get Medieval on your ass.
Seahawk: Relax, all right? Don’t try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring; besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls. It’s more democratic.
Uncle: I just hate you and I hate your ass face.
Spooky: Thank you for a memorable morning. Usually one must go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of your stature.
Surfer: Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, Ice.
After that, I had enough, so I called COT. There were no announcements that mattered.