Lunch Lady

The lunch lady came up during Maria today. Apparently, the demise of the lunch lady is a sensitive topic. I never got to meet her. I was elsewhere when she made her appearances at Atilla. What follows is my understanding of the situation. Remember, with any story involving the Rev, you should never let the facts get in the way.


The lunch lady made people dress up in plastic aprons, wear hair nets and carry lunch trays while doing exercises. Rev thought this was a great idea. Everyone else had a different opinion. After several appearances, the lunch lady “disappeared”. When she disappeared, there was an outline of the body and some ‘do not cross’ plastic tape on the parking lot, although no one ever confessed. And no one reported the “crime” to the police. The lunch lady appears to have had only one friend and no family. No body was found and therefore, no autopsy was performed. Eminem offered to prepare a writ of Habeas Corpus but no one could figure out where to serve it.


Rev insists that the lunch lady has merely decided to lay low for a while. Foo (and his army) insists that she is dead and will NOT return. I do know that if a lot of people sign up to Q, they can prevent Rev from signing up. That will definitely guarantee that the lunch lady will not reappear, since she only has one friend (Rev).


We started off with my patent pending Merkin beatdown.



8 Dragon Merkins


8 Diamond Merkins


8 Stagger arm Merkins

Copperhead squats

8 Stagger arm Merkins

Side squats

8 Merkin Merkins (AKA Re-gu-lar garden-variety Merkins)


Seeing that the street was clear, we crossed King’s and went over to the stairs down by the field with the Magic Hate Ball.


Dips on the stairs.


Next, we followed the Greenway to the chlorine infused fountain. Breathe deeply, it is guaranteed to disinfect your sinuses. And for the record, the concentration of chlorine gas first used by the German army at Ypres in 1915 was a lot higher.


Step ups on the wall at the fountain.


Next, to Target.


We partnered up for a Jacob’s ladder to 5. Here’s the concept: Partner 1 runs to the top of the stairs and does 1 Burpee while Partner 2 does the called exercises. The called exercises were 2 exercises so if you got tired of one, you could switch to the other. When Partner 1 returns, Partner 2 goes to the top and does 1 Burpee. Next ‘round’ is 2 burpees, then 3, etc. up to 5 Burpees. So each partner does a total of 15 Burpees (1+2+3+4+5).


The first pair of called exercises were Merkins and flutters. Someone thought that meant Merkins at the top. Nope. Other called exercises were Balls to the Wall and Lalannes, Russian Twists and Lo country boil and I forget what else.


When we finished with that, to the rails.


14 Outboards

14 Incline Merkins

12 Outboards

12 Incline Merkins


I trust that you can figure the pattern


Back to Greenway:


We stopped under the bridge and did IWs while we regrouped. Then to the chlorine infused fountain for some Derkins, because we hadn’t done enough shoulder work.


Over to the field of the Magic Hate Ball.


Bear crawl and crab walk across field and return backwards run


Run across the field and touch your belly to the ground at designated intervals, return backwards run


Cross the street, with the light (safety first!) as we return to the parking lot for Maria and the lunch lady discussion.


Someone complained about my commands and Tesla offered to translate. Man, that really hurts.


We started the countdown before I could get my recording app on the phone to work and Rope a Dope was volunteered to help me with the technology, because a 12 year was not available. Tough crowd today.


Today was Butcher made his 2nd appearance in a row. And he was there at ALS Tuesday. Glad to have you!




Rev let us know that we have an opportunity to help IM 24-7 in Grier Heights tomorrow from 7 to 9 AM, clearing an area for a basketball court. Address is 3639 Burkland Drive, Text Rev or show up. Bring yard tools and gloves, clothes you don’t mind getting dirty.


Tesla provided the closing words.




Retired from Duke Energy after 40 years as an accountant.

One thought on “Lunch Lady

  • April 13, 2018 at 9:43 pm

    For the formal record, the lunch lady appeared recently at Charlotte Country Club at an F3 event. I still have the video evidence for any doubters. She has not aged that well…..

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