Bells Optional?

It was a slightly abnormal day at Combine. I got there early because I just can’t let Topham get there earlier than me and get the jump on me. And then the weirdest thing happened. A pick-up truck with a ladder rack pulled in a few spots away. Now, I know a few lawyers that use anal probes and a couple of financial advisers that still use penny stocks, but neither that use pick-up trucks or ladders. And I know damned well that no ladder rack has ever pulled in for an F3 Metro workout. Mostly giant BMWs.

He looked at me, I looked at him, he looked at me, I looked at him, he took a toke off his giant Bob Marley joint (it is 4/20 after all), I looked at him. Neither one of us seemed to know what the hell was going on.

Then some other folks pulled in and I felt safe again. Said dude appeared to have another dude with him, they got out, wearing shorts. Ah-ha – obviously someone from Gashouse of Gastonia up here to service someone’s HVAC system or something hitting an early workout. that’s cool. BUT NO, it was my old friend Surfer with an equally stoned FNG in tow. Killer. FNG didn’t have a bell. No problem, he’s an FNG. Expected.

Then Narc came walking up. 42 degrees and no sleeves. “Hey man. I forgot my bell, you got a bell? Where’s Stinger? I need a bell.” Site-Q of a kettlebell workout sans bell…and sleeves. That’s sort of like Surfer showing up to a 4/20 drum circle in Marshall Park without his trusty drum and sack (hacky). Unlikely yet disappointing.

I checked, everyone else brought one. Topham (in anticipation of bathing suit season) had some sort of giant stainless steel bell (I guess just like fat looks better tanned, so does pasty look better toned).

Now what? Not enough bells. And I can’t call the site Q out in front of everyone and make him sit out of class.

here’s what I did…


COP (stall tactic). SSH, 2-handed swings (burpees if no bell), clean x each arm (burpees if no bell), one-armed press x each arm (burpees if no bell).

Head to the CHS mega-deck. That’s right, leave your bells (or lack there-of) behind and mosey. Problem solved.

Stop midway for some merkins for the 6.

To the deck. Up the triple ramp, 10 burpees up top, 10 x-fit merkins down low. Three rounds.

Partner up. Wheelbarrow first level, partner carry the rest. Two rounds.

Mary to wait (first Topham skimped on his burpees so that he could finish second, then he proceeded to try and lead the early finishers in Rosalitas!! The most useless exercise in all of F3. No way man.

In affirmative response to Sauerkraut’s request, backwards up the ramp. Same exercises up top and bottom. Two rounds.

Mosey home. Fast and slow options. CDDs to wait for the 6.

Partner up. A does 10 dead lifts, 10 high-pulls. B does merkins and burpees. Three rounds.

Next. A does 10 curls for the gurls (for Topham and his bathing suit), 20 lawnmower pulls. B does wide arms and CDDs. Three rounds.

End precisely at approximately 6:15.



Good news, I think I figured out the lack of bell solution. Bad news – We ran about 3.5 miles at Combine. People just aren’t prepared for that. They don’t like it. They get angry. Well, nobody got angry. But they complained.

Now, I see Aqaufresh on Strava. The guy runs usually several times per day. probably 50 miles a week. Today he was in double knee braces and coming in lastish. Turns out he was injured and came to Combine to not really run. And he didn’t have a partner. I knew neither of those facts until the end. Sorry buddy.

Topham informed me as he was jumping on my back (for partner carries, but yes we are close) that he has recently dropped a few lbs. Down to a cool 210 as far as I can tell. Nice work.

I still don’t think Narc goes to any other workouts, doesn’t care for sleeves, and forgets his bell. And his burpee count is questionable. But damned is he fast. Out front with Topham all morning.

Monkey DOES NOT come out below 50-60 degrees. He just won’t do it. We spoke on whatever day this week it was 80 degrees and he agreed to come. Kudos for keeping his word and breaking his own cold weather rules to be there.

Surfer’s FNG. Something about an international surfer pursuing a group of adrenaline-junkie bank robbers all around the world. Sky diving, surfing, globe trotting. Something about Australia. Kiwi it is (Surfer’s idea). Welcome brother!

That’s all I got. Leave your comments in the comment section below.

Until next time. 

Your friend,


Leave a Reply

Community Leadership
The Full Monty