Some days it’s hard to get up and go. It’s a little nippy. Or wet. Or too hot. Or whatever lame ass excuse my thinker can come up with at 449 when the opportunity alert goes off. Luckily , I don’t make decisions in the morning. I decide the night before, not because I am disciplined and tough, but because I am pretty much a pansy. I sleep in my workout clothes, coffee pot timer set to go off at 440 and have a plan put together if I am the Q. If I wait till morning to do any of this stuff, I ain’t gonna make it.
Like I said, I am basically a pansy.
Luckily for me, the pax that joined me at Fortitude were tough nuts. How tough? I’ll tell you later.
First, there was a COP. It was the standard, kinda like frozen chicken pot pie. It ain’t good, but it is consistent. We did SSH, IW’s, Sharon Towers, and merkins.
The van had not arrived, so I (foolishly) suggested we partner up and run circles around the parking lot, meeting your partner 1/2 way around and doing hand slap merkins—counting down from 10. This was stupid, because I thought the van would arrive sooner than it did.
When the van arrived, we stretched, then went to do the DAB—Dying cockroach, alternating lunges, burpees. 5,10, 15,10,5. Run backwards up the hill, forward down, after each set.
Peoples chair till we stopped wheezing.
11’s in the parking lot with derkins and mike Tysons. run a bunch in between
3 rounds of calf raises.
Mary upon return till we was alllllllllll done.
Great crew today. One fng and one returning champ. Welcome Goldie—something to do with movies, that’s all I can remember. Slaughter named him, and he is nuts. I think he is nuts because he sahved, and that’s crazy.
Cold Cuts—I once saw him scissor kick Angela Lansbury.
Carrier—Wears a live rattlesnake as a condom
Goldie—Once punched a hole in a cow just so he could see who was coming up the road.
Witch Doctor—Killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
River Rat—Sweats gatorade
Oz—Told the pope it was ok to have a mistress
Slaughter—if you drop a phonograph needle on his nipple, it will play “ stairway to heaven”.
Tool belt—We once had a bachelor party for Tool belt. He ate the whole cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Pipeline—His grandfather breastfed John Madden
Thrust—His poop is considered currency in Argentina
The partridge family—once ate a bible while water skiing
MC—uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel
Alibi—jumped off the empire State building and only sprained his ankle
Maradona—Once gave a hand job to a Manta ray
Thanks for being here. Meant a lot to me.
The Reverend Flo-Rida