I wasn’t sure what to expect. Actually, that’s not true at all. I knew exactly what to expect. It all happened precisely as I had thought it would. With one exception that happened at the end. And involved Nibbler. And burpees. Bullet point 1, below.
PRECISELY at 5:30 (despite nobody really looking like they wanted to get started, 2 cars in the process of pulling in, and Nibbler about 3 blocks away) we got started.
- COP right in the parking lot with every KB exercise I could think of plus some merkins. Twice.
- Mosey to the track which was heavy one lady and her giant fluffy dog who promptly left after one look at us.
- Partner up. Farmer carry with a three-burpee-and-chase. 1/4 mile. Plank to wait.
- exercises. 10 snatch each arm, 10 bent row each arm.
- Repeat 3 times for a total of 1 mile of Farmer Carry Chases and way too many snatches.
- Plank to wait. Mary to wait, Plant to wait. Wait a little more. OK. Recover.
- 11s with goblet squat and merkins.
- Group finished early (or cheated or didn’t finish).
- 3 minutes left. 10 burpees per minute for 3 minutes. We only did 2.
- And why did we only do 2 burpee minutes and not three? Here’s why. Nibbler pulled in late with his car that apparently Stevie Wonder washed for him, took pretty much all of COP to tie his shoes, somehow found a snack machine in the teacher’s lounge during two of the Farmer Carry laps (I never heard of a Twinkie Light), didn’t do a single burpee first round, suddenly said this. To whom? Nobody really. “If I finish this next round of burpees first, we will not do a third round.” That’s what he said. But nobody answered. Then it was as if time went into slow motion. No, super slow motion. Nibbler looked at his hands, then the ground. Then his hands again. He licked his lips (maybe to get that last piece of twinkie light), wiped his brow. I said gooooooooooo. And time went back to normal. And this man. This beast. This manbeast, took upon lighting up 10 perfect form burpees like both the ground and the air were simultaneously on fire. His body dropped, halting perniciously in a perfect plank miliseconds before crashing to the track, arm muscles bulging from his extra schmedium Wisconsin shirt as he drops for a military-style push-up that any Navy Seal would applaud. And then, BOOM, he springs into the air like a jackal bounding out of the tall Serengeti grass after a fat (but injured) water Buffalo (or whatever they eat). And then, like a seasoned gymnast less than a third of his actual weight, he floats back down to Terra firma landing once again in a perfect plank. All one beautiful fluid motion. Other men stopped their burpees to gaze, Grapevine’s mouth was agape. I saw a tear trickle down Hitman’s broad face. It was…a thing of beauty. Equal part speed, form, and precision. I’m still watching it in my mind. After that we just all sat down. Silent for a bit. I laid my golden fiddle at Johnny’s feet, for I knew that I’d been beat. And we never…did…another…round.
- So anyway. during COT I couldn’t help but notice that there was an odd number. I have no idea who was on their own. Upon completion of the first lap of Farmer Carries I noticed someone had left a couple of KBs behind. The second lap there was more, and so forth and so on. So I have no idea who was solo. Usually the odd man out (loser) says “What should I do, teacher?”. Nobody said anything.Weird. Must be a Diamondhead thing.
- I’m always excited to see Tesla. I away hear from the Core boys that he has sort of weird dialect that isn’t exactly from anywhere, but sounds sort of Southern in nature and nobody understands what he says. Kind of like the assistant coach in Waterboy. But I understand him just fine. He calls me Govenor in a British accent. I don’t know what those Core guys are talking about.
- I think it’s funny that Rev rolls up his windows and locks his truck. Really? You have those little triangle window thingys that anyone can open. Just hide your Galaxy 2 under the floormat and leave it unlocked. That way nobody will break your little triangle window thingy latch. They haven’t made those replacement parts in 20 years.
- So I met Big Worm today. Apparently he and Skoal are taking over this workout from Ribeye and Nibbler. I guess it’s the name, but I thought he’d be bigger. Good luck gentlemen taking the reins to one of the oldest F3 workouts in existence. I still thought TD was the site Q (not really).
- Turntable, Noonan, and Crystal. I don’t know you guys. But you seem alright to me. Awfully nice to meet you.
- Anyway. That’s about it. Thanks for getting me out to Diamondhead, Ribeye. Nice to see some old friends. Wait. Didn’t you say Hit was supposed to Q but had to be out of town for mother’s day? But..he…was…there. No matter, I had a blast.
Until next time.