You wouldn’t know this to look at my face, but I’m freakishly good looking and a sweetie pie. Well, my mom calls me that. She knows stuff and I trust her judgment.
So, when DJ Egypt asked me to Q Armor, I responded as many of you would have,
Damnit, I guess.
Due to the persuasive powers of my preblast, the cars kept rolling in. And the FNG’s. 3 all day. I gave ‘em all my version of the disclaimer and then, just to get it out of the way, I apologized.
I don’t share this to be braggadocious, but an FNG posting to my lead is about as dumb as ordering doo-doo soufflé in a 1 Star Michelin Restaurant. Not that this is important, but this fine 1 Star Michelin Restaurant had a French Chef called Pierre and was known to serve some of the best doo-doo (pronounced poo-poo in French) around. But here’s the thing, it’s not actually doo-doo. Not yet. It’s almost doo-doo. That’s what makes it so exciting! The French and their cuisine is the cutting-edge of culinary exploration and technique and what they’re doing is capturing the contents of the animal’s intestines minutes before those contents become doo-doo. Their technique has to be on fleek. It wasn’t once and they lost a star.
Pierre update: Sous Chef at your neighborhood brasserie.
I know what you’re thinking: Yes, they have to kill the animal right there and harvest it #FarmToTable
I took in every face, a handful of millennials. But not the whiny fockers that require trigger warnings before you hit them with some knowledge. No, these men were raised right. Some things you just know and I know some things. There would be no bitching or complaining or crying or falling down and acting hurt. If I lead right, they’ll be with me every step.
Crushed it. I’m proud of our FNG’s. They hung tough every step.
We moseyed down Knollwood to Wintergreen to set up on the loop, with the goal of going faster downhill with each progression. We stopped after each lap and did exercises, such as:
Merkins, Diamond, Wide, Flutter, Dolly, LBC
This soon became miserable. I thought a change of scenery would be helpful, so we moseyed back up Knollwood, crossing Providence, and ran down Ferncliff, staying right to stay on Ferncliff, we set up at the base of Ferncliff and would run up to Woodlark, turn around and race down it. This too proved to be a fairly miserable experience. In between sets we did more exercises, such as:
Merkins, Diamonds, Carolina Dry(D)ocks, Wide, Oblique, Rosalita, Flutter.
Last round, race from Woodlark to Providence.
Not as easy as it sounds as this one came off the rail several times.
FNG Matt, 30, plays in a band, a church band, I believe. Said something about Texas. I was feeling hungry by this stage of the morning and blurted out ROADHOUSE. It stuck.
FNG Carl, 40, seated a little ways off, we couldn’t hear him very well. Our COT was more pear-shaped than circular, and Carl was “way over there” – anyway, I heard what I thought sounded like him telling us he had wasted his youth spending too much time at the Playboy Mansion. Not quite clear why he would think spending his younger years in the grips of hedonism wasteful, but whatever. Welcome, Hef.
FNG Cole Altizer, 28. I may have blushed a little when I learned he was the Associate Minister (did I get that title right?) at PUMC. He went to Brevard College, then UofA, then Emory.
The Apostle. Meh. We all agreed we liked Robert Duvall and would need a 2nd degree. Is it me or has he always been old? He was an old ass even back when he done did Boo Radley.
First name Cole. Hmmm. Days of Thunder. Harry Hogge (another Duvall character). Rowdy Burns.
That was easy. Rowdy. Makes no damn sense whatsoever, but will forever be your nickname. Enjoy it!
Pump fake HC from Uncle. I think.
I’m not on Strava, but look at it from time to time and read something interesting this morning.
PBo’s status today:
1 mile. Moving time 10:12. Way to get after it, PBo! You’ll be ready for BRR come December.
ps I love PBo.
I asked Rowdy to be in charge of our closing prayer. Crushed it.
I had a lot of fun. #SwagWag thanks for thinking of me and providing the BB fodder #DooDoo