There are things I just get tired of. Challenges and reviews of penalties in football. Loud car stereo’s at traffic lights. Fast people. And pumpkin spice anything.
I mean, there’s nothing pumpkin about it. Or spicy. Nutmeg is to spices what Kaitlyn Jenner is to women—I mean you might be right, but damn it just isn’t tasty. Pumpkin spice is basically a way for the food flavor industry –and when I say the industry, I do mean the business—to take everything they have spilled in the warehouse or factory and blend it with high fructose corn syrup and make you think it’s grandmas pie. But it ain’t Grandmas pie. It’s a turd—a big stinky turd and we put said turd in everything from coffee to beer to hand soap. The whole damn world smells like this turd, until the day after Thanksgiving when everything smells like peppermint—which is also a problem cuz there ain’t no pepper in peppermint .
It was with this frame of mind that the beatdown began. Truly, pumpkin spice season brings out the worst in me. Here’s what my worst looks like:
The Standard. Because just like drinking black coffee instead of pooper coffee, there are things that need to be done right.
Quick explanation of the beatdown: 10 exercises, 10 times, in 4 minutes. Repeat 10 times. If you get done early, you rest. If you can’t get everything done, cut back on the number of reps.
Finished with a little Mary.
NMM: I like to call this “The Land of a Thousand Dances, since if you get it done you did 1000 reps. It’s kind of like doing Tabata on steroids. I don’t think anyone got done, but we all got spent. I think it’s the snatches and renegade rows that really smoke you—if you did all of those, that’s 400 reps alone.
Thanks for being out there with me. I am in this boot for a couple more weeks, so expect more funky no running kind of stiff if you see me signed up to Q.
Until then, I remain sincerely yours.
The Reverend Flo-Rida