Damn, where is that thing?! South Carolina Shirt, Camo shirt, South Carolina shirt, PERFORMANCE FABRIC; where in God’s green earth did that come from?!? Trash. Cargo shorts, nope. Camo shirt…. Where is my green cotton long-sleeve favorite F3 shirt?! I’m gonna be late! Oh, I wore it to bed, it’s already on my sexy body. Chicken, you are such an idiot!! Let’s go.
Shoot. Keys? Where are my truck keys? On the deer antler. Check. Dog, where”s my man-hating dog. need her to distract everyone at COT. Not here. I’m out.
Pulls in parking lot. Jumps out. “What’s up, young blood!? This better not be one of those stupid Shark Tank workouts Slaughter, I’m old remember!”
“Yeah Chicken, good to see you too”
“And don’t you start complaining about Promo being in some other far-away region. It’s 5 miles from your house! I’m the only one allowed to complain around here!”
“I had to get an Air B&B last night so that I didn’t have to leave my house so early”
Slaughter indicates to start running. Our hero follows.
Chicken thinks to self “Man, I feel like a baby calf born in January. A little under the weather. This is gonna suck. Looks like he’s headed to Linda St. I hate hills. “Hey Slaughter, I hate hills!” “Cross-fit burpee, what the hell is that?” Mumbles to self “I’m gettin’ too old for this sh$%”
EC complete, 1 .5 miles and 58 burpees in. Early group arrived back at lot.
“Look at all this young blood fresh faces!!! Where ya’ll been?!! What a crowd!!” Our hero begins to smile like an idiot, like he usually does.
“Windmills!!” Thinks to self “Slaughter is gonna embarrass me”
Group finishes warm-up and heads to track. Our hero thinks to self “Nothing good happens on that track”
“A burpee mile?! DID I MENTION I HAVEN’T BEEN TO A HARD WORKOUT IN 2 WEEKS” To self “Slaughter is trying to kill me”
Slaughter moves the men to Water Oak. Issues instructions that will take them to Sharon Amity.
“Yo Slaughter, what’s with all the hand-release stuff? Regular merkins would be fine!
Yells from the back of the pack “Running across Sharon Amity. Real smart Slaughter! You’re gonna get us killed”
Arrives at that Academy place. New instructions are issed to find a partner. Chicken thinks to self “Alright. Partner work. Who is really slow? “Manziel, you and me buddy. I don’t know what we’re doing yet, but let’s not hurt ourselves here, we’re in this together. Low and slow, baby. Low and slow!”
“To self “Pull-ups. I haven’t done a real pull-up since I was 18. That’s not true, I was chasing tail at that age. Deer tail, ha ha. Yeah, I’ve never done a real pull-up. Not gonna start now”
Group finishes partner work. Executes a jack webb. Instructions are issued for partner carry.
To self “Uhhhh, no” “Manziel, let’s just walk real slow up this hill, nobody will notice”
Group heads back to the school. Our hero yammering away about something while keeping up in the middle of the pack. Sprints back at RMS. “When’s this gonna be over Slaughter?!! I’m done!”
“We need coats. Call me and I’ll come to your house and pick them up! Just got to Target and buy 10 and call me and I’ll pick them up!”
“This was a terrible workout”
“I’m going home and going back to bed. Because that’s what old people do!”
“Goodbye Slaughter. I told you, you keep asking and you get to Q”
“I didn’t ask”
“I know. Promo love, baby. Promo love!”
Chicken exits parking lot in his 160K mile GMC. Sadly without his dog. Happy as hell for a morning spent with his boys.
Until next time.