Inside the Mind of an Angry Q

The BackBlast:

THE FOLLOWING PROMO BACKBLAST IS ACTUALLY AN INTERNAL MONOLOGUE FROM THIS MORNING’S Q. JUST BECAUSE I DON’T SPEAK A LOT DOESN’T MEAN THERE’S NOT A CONSTANT CONVERSATION IN MY HEAD. TURNS OUT ITS ANGRY AND CURSES MORE THAN IT SHOULD.

Man its a good thing Rhapsody pinged me yesterday. That would be some embarrassing sh*t to forget I had the Q.

Is that Slice pulling in in front of me? I wonder if he bought that thing cuz he kept hearing these guys talk about getting ‘Black Tahoed’? There’s like 50 open spots here, why’s he gotta back that thing in?

I cant believe they’re sticking with this 5:15 launch when only 5 guys max show up? Screw it, I’m not thinking of anything creative. We’ll just do some hot laps on the track.

We got Foreclosure, he’s always here for the early, KC yep, Rhap of course, there’s Bear on his bike. Does he own a car, I wonder where he lives? Why does he have to leave PWW early but not Promo? Must be some oddly early Monday meeting thing. 

5:14, Chicken’s gonna hit the port-a-john in 3..2..1..Yep, there he goes. ‘We’ll be on the track Chicken.”

Alright, I’m gonna do a bunch a push-ups at the 5:30 launch to quiet the chatter. I know these Promo boys. 2nd F, hug-loving SOB’s love to chatter. And I don’t want to be yelling instructions over that BS in this quiet hood. 

Better stick with non-merkin stuff on the hot laps. 2 laps at a time will keep us close enough together. How about squat thrusts for 2 laps, knee-ups for 2, and plank-jacks? Is that Purple Rabbi standing on the track watching, wtf? “Come on, let’s go we’re doing squat thrusts.”

Slice: ‘What’s up with these new Metro shirts? They keep riding up and showing off the midriff. I gotta keep running to get beach ready for the summer.”

Slice: “Hey TML, did you catch that PWW Backblast from Sheep, pretty solid! I forgot that guy can write a pretty mean BB.”

Me (externally): “Actually yeah I did that was good stuff.”

Me (internally): I don’t wanna talk about PWW. I’m still pissed that thing has become a 45-minute, 6-mile SIB. 

Slice: “Oh yeah, and did you catch the BB from What-Did after Shorecard? That was strong too!”

Me (externally): “Yep, it was.”

Me (internally): Sh*t, we’re back to doing BB’s, which means I’m gonna have to write one. Oh crap it’s 5:30.

“Circle up”. Yep, here goes the chatter. Straight merkins is not gonna kill it. Spider-merkins will help, I know if I go past 10 of those that’ll cross a mental point for some guys. Yep, that helped. RT’s, Crossfits, love those. I’m calling slow bicycles. The fast ones don’t actually do anything, you’re just flailing elbows and spinning legs. Stagger rights so they know lefts are coming. Why the f*ck are those 90/15 crunches so hard? OK, chatter’s down, guys are quitting, time to go to Goshen.

“2 burpees at the bottom, 2 sumos at the top. Repeat with 4, 6, 8, and 10.” This hill is longer than I remember. Damn, who is that up there? Rhapsody. Its ok, remember he was a decathlete in college. And he’s younger. That excuse is terrible, you know those 50+ guys kick your ass routinely out here. Yeah but I’m sure those guys skip some hard workouts I do. Plus I haven’t been sleeping that well, and I gotta conserve a little cuz I’m Qing. Any other excuses you got sh*thead? Caesar just ran past you like you were standing still. 

Wait, who are all these guys up here. Are you sh*tting me that Atlas has to hit Goshen at the exact same time. And since when do they get the same number of guys as Promo? F*cking Cotswold guys. I gotta get back to Ranger and wash some of this kumbaya BS off of me. 

Time to head over to that street with the back entrance to the playground. Wait, it’s called Linda, how dumb is that? This is all taking longer than I thought it would in my head. I’ve gotta reverse this suicide so we end up near the playground. Im calling rock hoppers and stump jumpers? I have no idea why, and don’t even know which is which. They’re not even hard they’re just stupid. Whatever just go with it. Seriously WTF is Slice talking about now? He’s been going on for 5 minutes talking to Caesar about how they celebrated St. Patty’s Day, how he had such a hard time getting Guinness that morning, setting traditions for the kids, yada yada. I mean seriously, I’m more Irish than both of these guys, and I’m not Irish at all.

NFW these Atlas guys are coming through here now! They better not be using the playground and the walls. That’s it, f*ck these guys, we’re running right through ‘em. “Half you guys go do pull-ups, the other half donkey kick the fence.” Oh, the fence is unstable? Then don’t kick so hard dipsh*t, that’s not the point of the exercise. And if you knock down one of the other pax running through, even better. 

Sh*t we’re running out of time. I don’t care, I’m still calling a bunch of Mike Tysons. We’ll make it close enough to on time. F*ck it, I’m too tired to race, Rhap, Caesar, Slice, let those boys go. Yep, there goes old 6:14 Blackbear after saving up all workout. Wait, Rabbi? That’s it I’m pushing him. Nice effort, Rabbi!

KC: “We’re late, TML”

Me: “Run faster, Chicken”

As angry as I am, I’ll know I’ve gone too far if I’m ever able to be mad at Chicken. Thats why I have to have him around. Him, my accountability brothers, and countless other F3 pax. How lucky are we to have this in our lives. Without them and the daily beatings, I’d be off the rails on a hurry.

I love you a**holes!

TML