The Charleston Carriage Ride

The BackBlast:

Wow, this feels weird. Been at least a year (maybe twice that; everything feels like a year ago these days) and 25 Q’d workouts since I’ve done one of these. But Mom would be proud. Mom, I hope you’re watching.

So according to the nice instructions at the bottom of this thing, that was my “intro line,” and now I’m off to “a rough outline of what the beatdown looked like.” OK. It looked like 7 middle-aged white dudes running around in Foxcroft doing exercises together. Oh, I’m supposed to add more color “for those who would want to reference it in the future”?? Probably not a good idea. Nothing really remarkable here, aside from educating pax on the origin of the “Larry Craig” (please google his name and “wide stance” if you don’t know). But I remember doing this for the 4,800 Armor backblasts I used to write (Cindy loved those…still references them for new ideas), so here goes:

• At 0529, I discover that the #deepstate has destroyed the track and torn down the playground at my sons’ former elementary school, so now my entire plan is out.the.window. Not that I had much of a plan anyway.
• Throwback, Malko-style warmup around the parking lot, some exercises outside the windows of the library (remember those?), and then run out the front entrance.
• Stop in front of my wife’s ex-boyfriend’s house (she swears it’s over) for jump squats and Larry Craigs, stop somewhere else for something else, then Jacob’s Ladder on a hill that I thought was bigger
• Cross Sharon Lane/Road/Place/Blvd, wave at Jeff Gordon (good dude), up and down a nice little hill with burpees at the top a few times.
• Back home, stop on the way for Mary and other stuff, and Monkey Humpers outside the ex’s house. Drove by post-workout and could see the residue on the window and drapes from where his wife spit out her coffee. You can get the stain out, but the smell lingers forever.
• 3.7 miles total.

OK, now it says it’s time for “Moleskine,” which the guidelines say is “free game.” Goody.

Not that anyone’s still reading at this point. Or ever was. But it does feel nice to write one of these again. I’ve told myself about 20 times during this godforsaken pandemic that I’d write a BB after Q’ing a workout. It’s not like I’m doing anything else these days, besides playing online poker (for free, I don’t have a problem or anything. right??), and telling my kids to stop playing video games (they do have a problem. not me, them). But I never did. I don’t know why.

Back in the day (I love that phrase, and I really love it when I hear my 12-year-old say it), you had to get the BB up pronto, or bad things would happen. I remember bugging Dredd one time after an Armor workout he had led. It was about 3 p.m. on that same Friday, and his BB still wasn’t up. So I started pestering him about it. He actually apologized and said he’d gotten busy, but would get to it. How annoying is that, that I would expect this guy to spend 30 minutes on a workday to write out what we did in a dark parking lot that morning (OK, that sounds really gross, but Imma leave that there). But he wrote it, and we all had a giggle, and we moved on.

I dunno. I’m glad to see that Slaughter, Rev and Cindy are still writing them. Theirs were always the best, along with Fishwrap’s and Snoop’s, when Fish wasn’t on an 80-mile run with his wife (who does that?) and Snoop could get access to a computer at the Uptown Library. Grizz had a good one the other day. I followed his advice and made some of the pax (and yes it’s pax, not packs you goofballs) lead some exercises this morning. Pepe called dry docks, which was nice. Chappy got all old-man mean and just called burpees, so I stopped doing that.

Anyhoo, I have to go meet Malko and some other dudes outside to talk about our lives and stuff. It’s a good thing. Find your small posse if you don’t already have one. Cindy will make fun of it, but that’s OK because he has one too, even if he’d never call it that. Swamp is the organizer, and sometimes lures him in with chickin mini biscuits from CFA, and a honey packet to boot. We need each other in these crazy-weird times.

Pray for our man Double Trouble, one of the nicest guys out there. He’s gonna beat this COVID thing and come back with some stories about making all the nurses laugh in the hospital. I just know it.

See you in a year. E