A Choice

The BackBlast:

How long has Big Hair Monday been a thing? I’m pretty sure the whole time. Like, 10 years+. A sort of Steady Eddie Monday event that draws in a long line of veterans and newbies alike.Easy to take for granted (foreshadowing).  I don’t suppose today was any different. There were veterans. There were newbies. It was Monday. It was 5:30. That sort of wraps up the requirements for implementation.

Here’s what you didn’t, no couldn’t, know about Big Hair Monday today. You might think you have it all figured out. But brother, trust me, you don’t. You might think the site Q, Rube, is just a quiet sort of guy. Silently going about the business of keeping BHM in business. He’s not quiet, he’s calculating. Sort of like whatever might be going on in the Big 12 right now, calculating. So here it is, Rube had 2 spies at the workout today. Two normal appearing pax there for all the wrong reasons. They didn’t say anything. Did ALL the exercises. Ran in the middle of the pack. Interlopers? Maybe? Hidden agenda? Definitely.

I’ve never lied to you before. I mean a real lie. Not counting any of the thousands of #truthnuggests I’ve strategically placed in my back blasts over the years. I was not in on it = real truth. I only know about it because I watched Rube’s eyes. The entire workout. I knew something was up the way Rube approached the pre-workout COT. He eyes were darty, he seemed nervous. Like a man with something to hide. A dirty secret.

I knew just what to do. We ran the Apocolypto trail. Pitch black. The kind of trail where your senses go on high alert. According to Dredd this sort of thing helps keep your brain sharp. Or maybe he said running in the dark isn’t too sharp. I was just trying to flush out the truth. Didn’t work. A pit stop at the Nature Museum parking lot for some shoulder burn did the trick though. The spies revealed themselves AND their purpose for being there. They did to me at least. Something about a money-grab week. They were their to investigate any possible corruption within our ranks; to see if even a single dollar changed hands from pax to Q. Was this really an exercise-for-hire operation? Did Red Warrior actually pay for his accountability and solid dad-bod? Was core principal numnero uno just a sham? They were there to discover the truth; bait style.

Enough of that. Bat outta hell we’re off again. More dark Apocolypto sense-tingling trail to tackle…. and then I heard it. A whisper in my ear. “Go to the Q-dog Slaughter. I want you to take this group to the Q-dog.” No! “Do you even know where it is?” Of course I do, I’ll show….Almost. He almost got me. “I’ll pay you $500 to take us to the Q-dog.” And there is was. The offer.

Now, truth of the matter was that I could use the money. This Nantan gig doesn’t pay all that much. And a fella can only skim so much off  GrowRucks and t-shirt sales. I mean, I DO have boat payments. But I took a solemn oath to uphold the Core Principals. Well, I said I would, maybe not so solemnly. I was torn. And only about a quarter mile of darkened pavement left to make my decision. Spy #2 sensed my hesitation. He said to spy #1 “He doesn’t know where it is.” Loud enough for me to hear of course. And then, get this, Spy #1 actually reaches in and pulls out a duct-tape wallet that his daughter made him for father’s day. And flashes a few hundos. That new Calloway Mavrik driver flashed before my eyes. I could finally fix that wicked slice I can’t seem to get rid of. And everyone likes the Q-dog. Everyone. Who would know?

Time’s up. End of the trail. Are we gonna go straight? Or turn. If we go straight I accept money (goods) in exchange for a workout (services)  And all would be lost.

I turned. Headed to Mega Tool for a DORA, down and up Lurker. Past the Owl Bait bars to the shhh lot for some MerkinMary and back down Lombardy Circle to home. Safe!

‘Ol Rube had to make sure his workout is pure. Planting a couple of operatives to make the offer; genius. I mean, why did YOU think Swamp and Cindy were there, for the merkins?! They are crusaders sent out to save F3 from corruption. It’s their calling. Find the dirty pax and rat them out. One way ticket to New Jersey sort of stuff.

After COT, Spy #1 came over and gave me a big hug. Said “I knew you wouldn’t take the bait Slaughter” And #2 “You’re a hero Slaughter”. I said that we were all heroes, slogging it out for a 4 mile Big Hair. “Nah” he says “You’re the hero”. And you know what. I think he’s right.

Thanks Rube for your tireless (and shady) efforts. Seeking truth and justice for all men of F3. And I’m glad you have heroes like me. And ThinSlice. To set the example.

And that was Big Hair Monday today. You all have no idea how close we all came to being erased from the map. You didn’t know this, but that same thing happened 8 years ago in this very same parking lot. On a morning much like this morning. To The Gauntlet. That’s how it went down. A breach of the Core Principals. Turns out a certain Q was actually a certified professional. And the leadership was not being held in a rotating fashion. He was the Q every week. And not just because he was the only one there. But mostly. The Operatives arrived and found out about it. And BOOM, TD’s beloved workout was closed out forever. His 7 year F3 ban just ended last week. That why nobody saw him at a workout for 7 years.

So be careful the next time Rube gets those darty eyes. Not everyone can stand up in the face of danger and be a hero like me. Beware the batflipping spies, they’re here to expose you.

Until next time.

Your friend,

Slaughter