The Near Miss of a Shart Heard Round the AO

The BackBlast:

The Thang
It was a crisp morning at Black Widow, and the PAX rolled in ready for whatever Panda had cooked up. Little did we know, the real battle wouldn’t be against the burpees—it would be against the aftermath of an unexpected gastro-intestinal betrayal triggered by our sweet 16 diets and a grapevine stretch.

Warm-o-Rama:
• SSH – 20 IC
• Windmills – 15 IC
• Imperial Walkers – 15 IC
• Grapevine Stretch-10 IC (which, in hindsight, Panda probably should have done a few more of)

The Main Event:

Panda led us into a beatdown that had us questioning our life choices. Things were going smoothly until the long grapevine stretch got longer and his movement signaled that all was not well in the digestive system.

Despite an awkward waddle to the side, no damage was done. A moment of silence was observed, followed by a mix of sympathy and pure, unfiltered mockery from the PAX after Panda announced a near miss, the Black Widow almost Shart.

But to his credit, Panda pressed on—modifying every exercise to something that could be done while maintaining downwind safety and keeping his cool. On to cotswold village-
The Sphincter Shuffle: A modified mosey with maximum control.
5 merkins at every storefront at the cotswold village
Mosey to the back of Harris Teeter, chasing dark speedbumps, 5 merkins at each bump
Speed over the street to Rutledge, swing over to the hotbox
3x wall to wall, up and around, and smoking out the Orange Theory Crowds (they still have their blinds drawn to avoid seeing free parking lot workouts)

COT:

Panda reminded us that life, like poorly timed gas, is unpredictable. Sometimes, you just have to keep moving forward and shopping for pain at Cotswold village, then preferably check for damage near the cleanest restroom.

Moleskin:
Chicken reminded us that we are all weak and that Promo is still a workout
Panda has now earned a permanent spot in the annals of F3 history.
Someone suggested renaming the Q to “Shanda” (Shart + Panda).

TClaps to all because no matter what happens, the workout must go on.